
- 12 min

- 12 min

Dear Prospective Customers,
I scheduled a call with a private chef for Sunday morning at 10am. I was interested in testing how much time someone coming in and meal prepping for the entire week would save, and how I might repurpose those hours.
It was a good lead-up: multiple automated reminders, a robust intake form that took me some number of minutes to fill out, and a solid website outlining what to expect. I was excited.
That excitement was short-lived. She was two minutes late to the Zoom. She was in bed. How could I tell, you ask? There was a headboard behind her. She had pillows propping her up. Her hair was disheveled - and in a state of twirling turmoil throughout the call - and her pajamas were covered up by a hoodie. She didn’t know our names. She hadn’t read the intake form. I’d soon find out she had trouble listening.
Some of my favorite nuggets in the conversation include:
Where do you live?
The Lower East Side.
[face contorts in disgust] I guess that could work.
What is the diet you’re on?
I eat lots of fish and lean protein and vegetables and weigh out portions before eating.
Oh. Well I don’t do weighing. Does this mean no sauce? I don’t know if the whole diet thing will work.
I don’t do mussels and oysters.
Do you eat grains?
Yes.
So sweet potatoes will work?
I require people to commit to a month. I guess I could come once or twice in April but yeah, May is booked. I just started a part-time job again as a pre-school teacher.
When do you need the food cooked for?
His work week is Tuesday - Saturday.
Okay, so I could come on Wednesday then.
This is a high price point - starting at $500 - and a large amount of her time. Her goal should be to disqualify me and make sure it’s worth her time. Can I afford the money? Can I afford 2K/month? Do I have all the tools she needs to cook? To prepare? To clean up? To store food?
Here’s what I was expecting:
And so on and so forth.
Instead, I had to direct it. I had to ask what dates she was available. I had to ask her what she required to get started. I had to ask what the $500 included. And I had to end the call after 12 minutes when it became obvious it wasn’t going to work. Interestingly enough, at that point she realized we were lost and offhandedly offered up other recommendations for chefs. I, of course, didn’t receive a follow up note even just thanking me for my time.
In software, the analogy would be the prospect doing discovery, and the prospect disqualifying themselves. The AE then asks, “but what did I miss?”. Everything, dude. You missed everything.
The same pattern exists everywhere. Take a look at real estate brokers, even. They show up, assume a deal will get done, and only freak out when the buyer (or seller) wants to get out, or there’s a major hiccup.
Why is sales so hard? It’s just a conversation. “Hey, I’ve got this thing, it does XYZ. You may need it if you have problems A, B, or C. Do you? No sweat! I’ll stay in touch and you may someday. Oh, you do! Very cool. What else can I answer so that you can decide if it’s for you?”.
That’s it. “Hey, do you want kids?” If yes, great! Let’s see if we wanna go on another date. If not, that’s great too! Let’s call it or just be friends.
Why do we lose the ability to have a conversation when it comes to software? I remain befuddled.
For those reading, if you come to Sandgarden and do NOT have a delightful experience in speaking or emailing with anyone here, if it’s full of bullshit and sales-y words and jargon and acronyms and we’re not answering your questions directly, please email me. I will apologize, get you the information you need, and then immediately make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else.
Love,
Liz